14 September 2006

On Packing Your Pump

All Charges Dropped in Penis Pump Case
By Associated Press
September 13, 2006, 10:42 PM EDT

CHICAGO -- Prosecutors dropped all charges Wednesday against a man who claimed an airport security guard misheard him when she thought he'd said a sexual device in his backpack actually was a bomb.

Mardin Amin, who appeared in a Cook County circuit court Wednesday morning, has said he actually told the female security guard at O'Hare International Airport last month that the small, black object was a "pump" -- as in a penis pump.

Prosecutors chose to follow the lead of the Transportation Safety Administration, which recently concluded that the matter did not warrant prosecution, said Cook County state's attorney spokesman John Gorman.

Amin, 29, of Skokie, had been charged with felony disorderly conduct and faced up to three years in prison if convicted.

His attorney, Eileen O'Neill-Burke, did not immediately return a message Wednesday seeking comment.

She explained earlier that her client was embarrassed to explain the object to the security guard in front of his mother, who was traveling with him -- so he whispered. The guard misunderstood, and thought he had said "bomb," O'Neill-Burke said.

The attorney added that Amin, an Iraqi, has a thick accent and she herself had trouble understanding him until he brought the pump to her office. She said she recently learned Arabic speakers sometimes have trouble distinguishing "p" and "b" sounds.

Gone are my notions of packing for that little vacation. "Hmmm, why discretely pack my vibrator, never know when a girl's gonna need that little ditty" (revelation) "I'll just hook it to my favorite strap and wear it around my neck" (praises herself for her brilliance). Off to the airport we go. Unfortunately I am not in security for 5 minutes before I am bemoaning about my civil liberties being violated (Please - I'm a liberal, I'm a little snippy that way) and now some frighteningly buxom woman is stopping me, asking me what that bulge is under my shirt. When I am finished thinking "oh, if I had a dollar for every time I have been asked that.", I sum up how I should handle this. I bat my eyes, blush a bit, and shyly smile. I will whisper in an act of discretion that I might have considered when packing earlier. I lean over to whisper to this woman...

This is just a big ol' slice of funny people, on every level.

A man (an Iraqi) traveling with his mother decides the place for his penis pump is in his back pocket! Scary funny.

Security somehow hears "bomb" in the whispering of "PENIS PUMP"

He and his confiscated PENIS PUMP are hauled off.


His defense against PROSECUTION is that the typical Arabic enunciation does not allow for a clear distinction between "P" and "B".

That it took some considerable effort for prosecutors and the TSA to decide the case didn't warrant prosecution.

Can one pump effectively after something like this?

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

LMAO The topic and your writing style are both hilarious Cest Moi. And do I detect a Carrie (from Sex in th City) type question at the end? If so, I might as well add that you pull it off beautifully. You have a similar flare - but more of something...hmmn, could it be more heat?